flaws become freckles

i write my fears down in spanish

so my mother fully understands

que ella me da miedo

more than kissing my girlfriend

before i board by bus

in front of other people of color

porque yo se que soy yo la que les da miedo

porque ellos tampoco me entienden

i tell her if you kiss me here

i will receive hate in there

my girlfriend is white

so fear is not too dimensional

and her mother will understand

without having to change the station

so she kisses me

and sends me off

and i refuse to fall asleep on my eight am bus

we love having puppy dog eyes

until we realize we might as well be dogs

and be called dogs

and be treated like dogs too

and i don’t mean treated badly

i just mean treated trained

sit lay down roll over paw

give me your paw

and here why don’t you take this to the kitchen while you’re at it

maybe i look like your cleaner

because my hands are dirty

from kissing your ass and wiping your shit

and taking off your pants

and rubbing your magical wallet just enough

just so my hands are a little more green

and no i didn’t steal it

i performed certain acts and earned it

right?

yeah…

fear is better understood in spanish

because when i speak to my master

he prefers me to speak with no emotion

not even the good ones

not even fear

so that my nods to his orders are easier to swallow

so that i can be less of a human

and he can be more of a human

and a good one

because he is good

i promise you

anyways

back to my mother

super afraid of her

listen

i will be gay for the rest of my life

y en algún momento vas a tener que conocer a la persona con la que esté en ese momento

and the sooner that happens

the longer you will have to grow confortable

with the idea that i will be gay

for the rest of your life too

but alas

even in spanish

these confessions are songs

and my mother is not only half deaf

she is also tone deaf

(but i am still proud when she sings)