i make people feel existential (written by a narcissist)

after one conversation with me, one of the smartest girls i’ve ever known takes three anxiety medication pills to fall asleep two doors down the hall. she tells me this in the morning. if she had told me this the night before, i would have probably needed twice her dose to wake up feeling rested. of course, i credit her anxiety to my own expression of anxious feelings surrounding my entire existence (existence mainly meaning academic life, and it is sad but every monthly subscription i have is the student version. no, i cannot listen to a single song on spotify without thinking i am a student i am a student i am a student and i am a bad one. my mom pays extra for this feature, i am sure of it). but one of the smartest girls i’ve ever known has great music taste, so i tend to listen to her instead (no ads, no interruptions). something she did say in the night was that maybe i am just molting. shedding my skin. growing a shinier one. it pleased me to hear shinier rather than thicker. one of the smartest girl i’ve ever known also knows me well. and this morning during my full body shower (meaning i also washed my hair) i found a large ball of it in between my ass cheeks. and then i made another even larger ball when i combed (not brushed, combed) my hair. i am either a very sick woman or indeed changing (but isn’t it the same thing?). by the way, if you’ve made it this far, go ahead and pop those three pills into your mouth. trust me (and if you don’t trust me then trust one of the smartest girls i’ve ever known) you’ll need it.